Ambrosiac Kisses (Poem)
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Back to Forum -> Wordsmith's Nook [Nov.'19]
Reply with quote
Mon Aug 03, 2009 6:08 pm
I wrote this three years ago :O

Quote:
Take me on a moonlit walk
Cut the chatter, cut the talk
Never have i felt so free
When we sit beneath this tree
Let me lean upon your shoulder
Every second seems much colder
You're the one who seems so warm
No longer do i feel forlorn
Ambrosiac kisses on lips and cheek
Never have i felt so weak
Gaze above on sparkling stars
Try to point out shining Mars
Hold me close and don't let go
Let me tell you what i know
I will love you past the end of time
I will love you and my love will shine

_________________
Vote for My Avatar?
Reply with quote
Mon Aug 03, 2009 8:31 pm
Cute! :3 I really like your repetition, but hate the last line. It comes out weird when I read it. I like the first two lines best.
Reply with quote
Mon Aug 03, 2009 10:39 pm
well i was only 14 when i made it. i think i had trouble trying to rhyme that part and gave up xD
i think i might write a new poem Very Happy
_________________
Vote for My Avatar?
Reply with quote
Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:54 am
Really? You were only 14? I don't think I could write a decent poem now... =0 I might try it sometime though. Anyways, I LOVE it. It's sweet and has a simple rhyme that reads easily. I agree with Kamera, however. That last line could be edited a little bit. It doesn't seem to fit the way it is now. =3

Ugh, maybe I shouldn't critique. -_- (has no writing talent)
_________________
Vote for me?
Reply with quote
Sat Oct 17, 2009 6:30 pm
You wrote that at age fourteen? It's cute, I definitely like it a lot. Very Happy
_________________
Reply with quote
Thu Oct 22, 2009 6:15 am
I agree with everyone, this is a good poem. Yet it's good to take some old poems and learn from them. Learn the mistakes and everything so you can become a better poet or writer in general. Keep writing! Very Happy
_________________


http://www.zantarni.com/av_voting/index.php?av=139428 Click to vote!
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Back to Forum -> Wordsmith's Nook [Nov.'19] All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

© 2006 - 2019 Zantarni / Zantarni Entertainment
Terms of Service
Members login here.

New members register here.
 
zantarni banner