Ugh...<-- Fave topic title right there
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bohemian
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Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:59 am
Sigh

I understand where my best friend is coming from, but it's getting a little frustrating for me. I have 3 female best friends, all who are either married, or in a long term relationship. And two of them are good friends because they met through me before going to uni to do the same, if not similar degrees. The other I met later and I'm not sure if they have met yet. But anyways, the one I've known longest, is in a long term relationship with her partner, nice guy too, has been bring up me finding someone. I don't particularly like how she seems to be pushing the issue on me any time that I joke about being the 5th wheel to two couples. I don't mind going out with couples while I am alone, more people for me to talk to. I am happy being single. I have zero interest in marriage and babies and all that stuff.

But apparently, I need companionship. Rolling Eyes
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Rayven: *gets hit in the face with some underwear* Wow Bo sure likes to get naked! XD
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UtterlyWeird
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Sun Jul 21, 2019 8:20 pm
I've been single for nearly fifty years, and quite happy with it. It's possible, and it's not weird. **hug**
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Blazestorm
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Sun Jul 21, 2019 8:34 pm
You do not need to be married or otherwise involved in a relationship to "be happy", to "be fulfilled", to "be" anything. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your own time, alone. And if you don't feel the need for companionship, you don't feel the need for companionship, period... Not everyone does! (I don't; although I have it)

If/when you're ready... if/when you find the right person... if/when you want to become involved... you'll know it. No amount of coercion is going to make it happen before it's time... certainly nothing healthy... and just because something is right for one person does not make it right for somebody else. No

Tell your friend(s) to stuff it.
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Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:14 am
It largely seems to be the result of social programming. I can remember being a young kid in school and always hearing things like "when you grow up and get married", "when you go to college" etc etc fill in the blanks, as if life is a standard template in which we all have to fit; and while those goals may be important to some, they aren't universal. And it often leads people to compare themselves and their lives to others, which isn't always healthy and can cause some people to feel as if they're falling behind, or failing in some way, when in reality we are all walking our own unique paths, and rarely (if ever) do two people end up on the same road. It can be especially frustrating if you're a woman who expresses no desire for marriage or children--people often look at you like you have two heads. xD Starting a family may be the raison d'Ítre for some people, but for others, it may be pursuing a career, composing a masterpiece, rescuing animals, travelling the world, etc etc etc...

The important thing is that you're happy where you are! In time, your friends will hopefully realise that and see the detriment in trying to force you into something for which you have no interest.

I love my boyfriend and have no desire to leave him, but sometimes I do miss being single because there's so much freedom. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, without having to consider the feelings or desires of someone else.
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Scarz
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Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:15 am
I have to agree with the Queen. . .This is about you and what makes you happy and comfortable.
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Blazestorm
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Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:16 pm
Thank you, Sir Scarz Yes

Praedyth wrote:
It largely seems to be the result of social programming.

^^ This, yes. And it's all bunk. I've found that the folks who go down the societal list checking boxes -marriage? ☑ kids? ☑ etc.- are often those who are the least happy and their "accomplishments" (i.e. the checkboxes) eventually end up crumbling around them in divorce, etc., partly because (IMO) they are so busy checking boxes and adhering to the societal norms/expectations (which fortunately are now changing for the better) that they have no clue who they really are, what they really like, what they want to accomplish, what they're even capable of, etc. So when reality starts hitting them in the face, they end up with abrupt wake-up calls...

For what it's worth, I felt the way you do until I met Zukyun (who definitely threw a curveball my direction!) - I wasn't looking for somebody, I certainly wasn't interested in marriage, kids, etc!- and I would have been perfectly happy on my own.

And starting when I was about 20yrs old, certain parts of my family were telling me I was going to be an "old maid" if I didn't get married soon (how archaic can you get?) Shocked Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes I told them to stuff it. Repeatedly.

Bottom line? Know thyself. To thine own self be true. ... that sort of thing XD Yes Heart




Last edited by Blazestorm on Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
bohemian
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Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:24 pm
Just one friend pushing the issue. If I had the choice and the money to do it, I'd totally be living the hermit life in a cabin in the woods away from everyone, except for going to town once in a blue moon for supplies I need. Laughing

I mean, maybe if I was completely alone, I could understand her point better, but I've never been the standard for social norms. I'm not even going to bring up feeling lonely when surrounded by people who I know with her because I know that will make it worse. I know I'm not the only person who occasionally gets lonely when around people I know well. It happens.

But I'm hoping to get another friend's point of view this week, to help keep my head on straight before the steam starts coming out of my ears again. Laughing

Edit: I'm kinda of the same mentality Blaze, but more along the lines of, "If it's meant to happen, it's meant to happen.", so it's never really going to truly bother me if it does or doesn't happen. Shrug Laughing
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- Ignis Fatuus -
Court Jester? Bo? Tasty
Bo, official Zantarni nudist. eBil
Rayven: *gets hit in the face with some underwear* Wow Bo sure likes to get naked! XD
Riley: Bo, the Goat Whisperer. XD
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Blazestorm
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Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:35 pm
bohemian wrote:
I'm kinda of the same mentality Blaze, but more along the lines of, "If it's meant to happen, it's meant to happen.", so it's never really going to truly bother me if it does or doesn't happen. Shrug Laughing


Yes, that was my take on it too. I wasn't looking to avoid it (obviously, 'cuz I married the guy and we have two kids), but I was also perfectly content to live alone, and I was always happy being alone. I wasn't out "looking" and I didn't care about those checkboxes others around me were so busy trying to check off.

Rayven
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Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:42 pm
Bo, you do what makes you happy, and ignore anyone who pushes you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

I wish I had never been programmed to think that I had to be in a relationship. Relationships are only great for about the first 3 months. After that, it's all downhill, especially if they have major flaws or mental illness. I have decided that I never want to be in a relationship ever again. It is lonely, but at least I have my sanity.
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UtterlyWeird
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Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:14 pm
My most lasting crush, at the age of 45? This widowed father of three... from a cartoon. XDXD
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Rayven
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Wed Jul 24, 2019 5:38 pm
Tam I think that's a pretty safe crush to have. XD
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UtterlyWeird
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Sun Jul 28, 2019 10:23 pm
LMBO And if he were real, he'd probably still be a safe crush.
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I am Tam. Tam I am, I like green eggs but I don't like ham.

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