a tale of riders, slayers, and trainers
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Thu Dec 27, 2012 5:20 am
[something im working on,.. lemme know what you think. first part is supposed to be a little teaser for a game im writing. Secopnd is the beginning of a storyline]

[start]

My hand embraces the warm leather of the saddle, as I climb up, and find my place. Her bellowing growl shakes the air around her, as she shifts her wings, and stands full height. The mountain air below me sweeps up, and catches hard against her wings.

She is my Dragon... And I am her Rider, ..... And friend.

I can feel her anticipation, as she pounces into the air. As her wings catch the breeze, I feel us speeding up, and rolling left and right. I lean in, as we careen through the night. Through her eyes, I can see as clear as day.

I can feel her breathing. She can sense my every move. We are one.

I am a warrior.

I am a Defender.

I. Am. Rider.
[end]

[start]

Your palms are sweaty, as you pause in front of the daunting face of The Dragon Temple. Its humble facade is a bit lost in its massive size, as it stands carved into the very heart of the hill you just climbed to get here.

" Come on, man! Keep it moving."

The line pushes on. You arent the only one here for training.

You enter a grand hall. Seemingly out of a movie, the cieling seems to sprawl out forever. Suddenly, you feel very small amidst such vastness.

An old man approaches the center of the room. Now seated in the chairs surrounding the area, you get a good view of his ornate robes, seemingly more for style than for function.

A student leans to you.

" That guy couldnt ride a dragon if he WANTED to."

You shrug it off as he begins to speak.

" My name is Kael. I am the elder of this town, and a Master Rider."

He folds his arms behind his back, and begins pacing gently back and forth.

" You are all here today to go forth from this place as one of the elite few known as Riders. I can tell you for sure, most of you will not. Some of you may die. Some of you will leave. But if you are skilled, and a little bit lucky, you will be called a rider."

With his final word, he yanked a cloth sheet off the wall revealing a beautiful coat of arms. A Dragon on a shield, wings unfurled, fire licking at the edges.

"You will be tested, and trained. Your training will come in four parts, and will end with you in the air. Wether you remain there or not is up to you. Follow me."

#1
You are led into a very small room. Along the wall are various armors, and weapons of every shape and size.

" Remember: To ride a dragon, you must remain light, and balanced. You cannot be fettered by heavy, clunky devices. You WILL however, need to rely on more than just your riding skills. Choose a weapon and, if you choose, armor from the wall."

You choose your gear, and head through a large set of iron barred doors. Suddenly, you begin to shift, and fall. Beyond the door lies little more than a sheer cliff. As you lose your balance, you can see the dirt give way beneath you.

As quickly as you began falling, you are slammed hard against the temple wall. The elder smiles as he presses you to the narrow walkway.

" Not afraid of heights, are we?"
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Sat Dec 29, 2012 3:44 am
Do you want minor corrections on punctuation, or are you just looking for feedback on the concept itself? I'm good at spotting spelling and grammatical errors, but the ones that I have to comment on are entirely technicalities, not related to your writing itself.

I like the pacing of it and the attitude of it. It sounds like an interesting game. Last line about heights is pretty good entertainment.

I am curious as to why they carry weapons and if riding dragons is done for a specific purpose. I imagine you have that figured out, even if it's not clear in the bit that you shared here.
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Sat Dec 29, 2012 8:41 pm
there are riders, slayers,and warriors. the 3 are always in conflict.

Riders share a unique bond with their dragon, that very few have,.. a mental link,.. they share thoughts and emotions, and words over it. ANY dragon that can be ridden can have a rider,.. but not all dragons can be ridden.

warriors use dragons to their advantage through various ways,.. either training them as friends,.. or capturing them, and forcing them to do their will. they have a weak, yet beneficial empathetic link, sharing emotions only.

slayers hunt and kill dragons for their bones, scales, and hearts. all can be fashioned into powerful weapons.

no i know my grammar and punctuation suck :p

oh and as far as weapons,.. bows, swords, armor and such,.. there are risks of hand to hand combat. even airborne, you could be slashing at a dragon, or another rider,.. and you cant stay aloft forever...

#part 2#
Behind the walls of the Dragon Temple, you find something you didnt expect.

That part , at least is not unexpected to you. you expected the unexpected. THIS, however, is not what you were prepared for.

The narrow cliff was just the beginning. As you step further, past the pressing walls of the temple, it opens to a giant valley. Walled in at every side, and accessible by an opening in the top, and the path you entered, the cave seems filled with different sized dragons. As the elder becons you forward, you see a large pool at the bottom, and what looks like a giant dragon shrouded in mist,.. but was it actually there?

You congregate on a short plateu looking out upon the valley. The elder smiles and motions to the walls behind you

" The doors behind you house your barracks. You have some time this evening to get settled, train, look around, and get acquainted before dinner. Tomorrow,. we start the real work."
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